It is true that to build a strong connection with self – the foundation of self-confidence – is to look inside. And only you have the full access. At the same time, even if we possess great awareness of how we respond to various life scenarios, as well as what thought patterns prevail at particular moments and what feelings those thoughts cause, it’s enormously hard to change our behavior.

Aware of the upcoming challenges and some of our so-called weak spots, sure, we can memorize a bunch of smooth eloquent phrases, powerful gestures, and impressive postures to project our confidence on others. Still, we can’t instantly unlearn numerous automatic responses having been imprinted on the cell level for the past decades. We need true confidence when responding to a threat – be it a lion or a coming up board meeting. The response to a threat is controlled in our brain by the amygdala which sends fight/flight/freeze signal straight to the body muscles completely bypassing the cognitive part of our brain.

Hence, all the tricks we exhaustively memorized stay at the stage of could have, should have, would have. And the Confident Persona, carefully crafted last night in front of the mirror, falls apart, for she had nothing to do with your authentic self or natural confidence.

The only way is to get a deep understanding and acceptance of self and to build a strong connection with it. Then, when life challenges us, we don’t freeze scrambling for a proper answer or act frantically without calm, clear awareness. Instead, we easily draw on this firm connection with self and allowing our essential confidence to surface on its own.