Simply be – a new age of confidence.

This is an excerpt from the Research published at International Coach Academy. The original article can be found here.

“The Body Never Lies.” ​

– Martha Graham, American dancer, Choreographer

Contemporary philosophers and scientists spend hours in a rigorous attempt to unwrap the very core from which presence and confidence sprout. Various terms are used when referring to this core matter, yet, all of them approach confidence from the inside out.

Being

My favorite spiritual influencer Eckhart Tolle, the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth, explores certain duality existing in the perception of confidence. On the one hand, Tolle suggests, confidence may be perceived as something external, implying it could be reached only by means of secondary sources or through comparison with others. Such perception manifests itself through the statement “I feel confident WHEN…” For instance, “I feel confident when my boss gives me praise,” or “I feel confident when I can splurge on luxury things more than my neighbor does.” Such pseudo confidence feeling is unsustainable due to its short life span.

On the other hand, there is always internal confidence which emerges from simply being – or in other words from awareness, consciousness, or presence. Tolle sheds the light, “True self-confidence comes through sensing the presence within.” This is the inner space of consciousness where an unconditional “I am confident, period” statement resides. Such confidence arises through “active stillness” – a powerful moment when stillness transforms into action. Tolle further explains how the most creative ideas are born from stillness, rather than from rigorous analysis or overthinking. Remember Newton napping under the apple tree when the law of universal gravitation descended on him? Or Archimedes and his Eureka! popping up when he was taking a bath. Indeed, one must apply analytical thinking to contemplate ideas; yet, revolutionary discoveries or simply the best possible outcomes are cultivated from silent mindful being, or presence. The mind needs stillness to connect the dots.

Another spiritual author and influencer, Michael Singer, in his book The Untethered Soul, dives into the idea of overcoming discomfort by consciously staying present with it, deeply immersing oneself in the uneasiness. He compares the perceived discomfort with the imaginary walls erected by our mind. Although the pain grows upon approaching the walls, by being present with it, we go through the walls or beyond the discomfort expanding our tolerance boundaries for adverse life circumstances.

This philosophical approach to internal confidence is incredibly powerful, and one might at some point be able to reach this an enlightenment or awakening through the deliberate spiritual practice, like Zazen or Zen Buddhism. Yet, in the latest decades, the ideas of presence and mindfulness have sprung from spirituality to the contemporary scientific treaties.

Presence encompasses two interconnected conditions: physically grounded and mentally centered. So far, we have talked more about mind presence. Now, let’s shift our focus to body presence.

Body Presence

In her book Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, American social psychologist, author, speaker, and former Harvard Associate Professor, Amy Cuddy, famous for her “Power Posing” TED Talk, suggests that presence be the key to an inner power.

Per Cuddy’s discovery, true intrinsic power and confidence outweigh the one given to us by society or expertise. Hence, the more personally powerful we are, the closer we are to our genuine self and vice versa. To enhance one’s internal power, she further emphasizes the importance of approaching life from one’s unique traits and real values.

The most significant finding was buried in the part of the book devoted to confidence or power that germinates on a physical body level. With her extended study, Cuddy proves that we feel more powerful if, when facing the ordeal, we open up, expand our body, rather than adopt a defensive posture. Cuddy further explores the exceptional impact of practicing the power pose before the challenge presents itself, as such pose launches corresponding hormones which in turn accelerate inner power.

The similar idea found its reflection as Rule Number 1 “Stand Up Straight with Your Shoulders Back” in the book called 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, by Jordan Peterson, a psychology professor of the University of Toronto. He explained how in lobster dominance hierarchy those species closer to the top hold a more upright posture due to the hormonal mixture that powerful status produced in their bodies. We will not get bogged down in too many details here, but the idea is clear – to boost confidence, “stand up straight with your shoulders back.”

Flow

The idea of presence has been also explored through the concept of Flow, a western version of Zen. Being in flow, when performing either an intellectual or physical activity, not only results in the ultimate outcome but also inspires and cultivates the energy, bringing bliss and happiness during the whole process. The inventor of this concept is Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian-American psychologist. I go deeper into the Flow concept in my Power Tool “Flow vs Effort”. Here is a brief summary of the idea.

Flow is a time period when we feel unconditionally happy and completely engaged with the process while applying our best knowledge. The action is so enjoyable that the time perception fades: we neglect hunger and other needs before we are exhausted and can’t perform any longer – then flow exhausts its presence until we regain our mental and physical resources. The sensation captivates our mind, body, and spirit – that is flow.

Mindful Awareness

Finally, the Father of Emotional Intelligence paradigm, Daniel Goleman, introduces focus and awareness as the state of mind where presence soars. He decomposes awareness into three dimensions: Awareness of Self (being mindful, grounded, self-management), Awareness of Other (empathy, active listening, connecting), and Awareness of Context (clear vision on a situation or the whole system).

Being present is in our essence. Given to us by mother nature, presence is an organic mode which children operate in all the time. Yet, due to underlying beliefs and automatic negative thoughts contaminating mind, as well as poor behaviors harbored over a prolonged period of time, it takes a conscious effort for an average adult person to switch on their presence.

Although still in its infancy in western society, meditation has a magnificent effect on mind and body. Goleman and many other scientists have found compelling scientific proof for this miracle.

Coaching and Being relationships

Presence is a backbone of the coaching process. Whereas there are multiple activities or jobs which one can perform on autopilot – while listening to the music, talking to a colleague, or even multitasking – one cannot coach if not fully present for the client, with both body and mind. And vice versa – it’s close to impossible to not get into presence while being coached, for coach’s presence is truly contagious!

In its own nature, coaching process implies pure presence. Moreover, the coaching process is designed to manifest presence. Coach doesn’t try to predict the way in which the next moment must progress, but rather welcomes the unknown and eagerly accepts whatever follows. Neither one reaches their confidence by pondering how confident they are, carefully lining up the agenda, or attempting to predict the situation. Instead, with sincere curiosity and empathy, we immerse ourselves into the flow of the coaching process, allowing the events to evolve organically.

For both Coach and Client, coaching awakens curiosity, openness to the unknown and uncertainty, as well as the ability to experiment.

But wait, isn’t it the impromptu? Isn’t it true authenticity and thus self-confidence?

Coaching is by far the most powerful way to gain confidence!

Picture credits: pixaby.com