What’s your relationship with confidence?
A passionate leader, a self-driven entrepreneur, an expert in your field, and a star performer, you strive for an eternal personal and professional growth through learning and improvement, grit and perseverance. You are bold, creative, and full of new ideas. Your genuine intent is to create genuine value for the world, to serve your clients with all your heart, inspire your allies to follow you, and bring your dreams to life.
It is true. This is who you are. And you know it for you are a highly intuitive and self-aware individual.
Yet, recently, the disturbing thoughts of whether those are even your goals you are sweating for have been paying a visit more often because all enthusiasm evaporated a month after you landed that “dream job”, while pure joy had never existed in the first place… Though you don’t have time to worry about it. For now, overwhelmed, hardly breathing, in a desperate attempt to prove your worthiness, you are on a slippery slope from an over-achiever to a procrastinator lost in priorities, in your endless to-do lists, while pleasing people left and right and collecting their likes for a quick fix of dopamine and boost of confidence you crave so much.
For you – knowledge is power. Just look at all your credentials! Yet, in the era of informational overload, the more information you consume living in a constant student-mode, the less actual, entrepreneurial action is happening. Besides, you set the bar so high of how everything you do should be presented to the world that you are terrified of even looking at that idealistic image of yourself.
The presentations are your thing (you know your stuff, don’t you?) Let’s just pray those investors won’t put you on the spot with their pesky questions. By the way, what’s happened to that creative idea you’ve been cherishing for a while? Ah, you’ll share it at yet another weekly meeting after rehearsing your speech at least ten more times, or during the happy hour with a glass of wine (better two). Actually, just after you deal with that annoying teammate (with all that self-management, you can certainly tolerate his obnoxious behavior for a bit longer with a wry grin).
For now, though, keep a straight face pretending you agree with what these smart C-level folks have been chuntering about for hours, even though you have no idea what’s all that about (intuitively, you know this pure nonsense has nothing to do with the company’s true values or client’s goals, but who cares). At no time can your own smartness be challenged. Save your energy. You’ll need it later to play the role of a confident leader in front of your team assertively pushing the “proper” agenda. And then, get sincerely perplexed by how people in your team are either not capable of great ideas, indifferent, get defensive, or keep silent when the most you need is their creativity, ideas, and loyalty.
Is this insecure, indecisive chameleon also you? Then, who is the real you? Why all this hypocrisy? Why staying low and playing safe? Why can’t you bravely act on your genuine intent? Do you even know your intent?
This is how fear ticks: do anything you could, just don’t let them destroy your fake confidence with their judgment and opinions. Truth is, it is almost physically painful to stay cool under the fire of emotional chaos. Besides, humans are hard-wired to respond to others’ emotions, so most of the times our strings do get pulled. In fact, for some of us, particularly empathetic and highly sensitive, even one unfriendly stranger breaking into our “comfort zone” is like a tornado that knocks down not only self-confidence but the whole sense of self. And we haven’t even touched on life’s crises… Cringing inside, we would do anything to get our “peace” back.
Long story short, the situations may vary every time, but the underlying reason is the same: when the courage to be strong, creative, resourceful is called upon, no one is present to lead the moment. You forgot who you are and your core values; besides, you are busy in your head, concocting a new story to believe or fighting your own thoughts and fears. So, it’s easier to blame the circumstances and google for yet another how-to blog.
Hence, let’s just state it out loud: you are confident only when, in impeccable, stellar-designer attire, you orchestrate your own performance according to a meticulously planned and rigorously rehearsed scenario.
What an effort! All this preparation only to avoid facing the moment?
Yet, you firmly know that deep inside lives this emotionally mature, fully conscious, self-confident, though warm and cheerful, persona. Why wouldn’t she show up on cue, when you need her most?
Often, when the time calls for courage and a bold authentic vision – your true intent is swept away by an uncontrollable urge to preserve the identity you meticulously crafted for so many years.
When we try to copy the leadership styles or behavior of others, we lose the connection with our core – the mind and the body become disconnected, so the image we converse to others is misleading and we never are able to align our true intent with our words and actions. The body too is confused by the messages the overwhelmed mind sends to it.
By uncovering your authentic self and consciously setting an intent to follow your purpose, and by yielding to your internal energy flow, you allow your confidence essentially transpire from within.
Picture credits: LILY DONG PHOTOGRAPHY.com
